So here’s the setup: I went to Wyoming.
Now, that sentence alone could be the punchline, but it gets better. I hadn’t been to my brothers home in over 20 years. And apparently, the first thing you do after a long-overdue reunion is... throw the eldest sibling into a digital apocalypse filled with shrieking undead cannibals.
Turns out, my brother and his kids are not only wonderful human beings—they’re also very, very good at helping you confront your irrational fears while laughing at your pain. (And recording it.)
See, I’ve had this thing about zombies since childhood.
Don’t ask.
Just know it involves a vivid imagination, questionable sleep, and a lot of twitching at night.
But somehow—somehow—they convinced me to play 7 Days to Die, a game designed by people I’m sure are either sadists or brilliant horror artists.
Or both.
We set up a LAN party.
They held my hand (digitally).
They taught me how to craft a club, wear pants (important), and swing like a half-terrified K-pop samurai.
…then they released me into a city teeming with death and disease...while live-streaming my screams for the world to enjoy.
This video is only the first 3 hours of a 10-hour death march (thanks, Substack).
You’ll laugh.
You’ll cry.
You’ll watch a grown man name zombies things like “Lazy Susan” and “Clementine” before being eaten alive.
But honestly?
It was one of the most unexpectedly joyful experiences I’ve had in a long time.
Enjoy the chaos. I sure did.
Eventually.
🧟♂️ Stream Summary: Facing Zombies, My Sanity, and an Overly Helpful Family
Game: 7 Days to Die
Duration: 10-hour live stream (only 3 hours archived on Substack)
Setting: LAN party in Wyoming, surrounded by kids, nephews, and gleeful tormentors
🔥 Bullet Highlights from the Stream
Faced one of my real-life phobias: zombies... and did it live.
Customized my character into a K-pop Asian redneck named Bubba. Naturally.
Screamed. A lot. Like, a lot a lot. You'll hear it.
Asked if neon green hair would attract more zombies (answer: no, but yes, but no).
Nearly passed out at the sound of in-game vomiting.
Died almost immediately and repeatedly. My leg got eaten. It happens.
Mistook zombie groans for bladder zippers. Welcome to survival horror.
Shot a zombie in the unmentionables. Self-defense.
Proudly declared: “I killed her! For zombie!”
Crawled, panicked, and somehow found joy in the middle of pixelated terror.
😂 Things I Learned (Under Duress)
Zombies are terrifying. Even digital ones. Even when you know they're coming.
Screaming builds character. Also bonds family. Also breaks audio levels.
Purple eyes and K-pop hair = power. Not statistically, but emotionally.
Glue is vital. Don’t ask. Just hoard glue.
Zombies can climb ladders. That should be illegal.
Never trust your children. They will feed you to the undead for laughs.
Leroy Jenkins is still a viable strategy. …Ish.
If you shoot a zombie in the crotch and survive, you’re allowed to brag.
Hearing “Behind you!” is never helpful when it’s already behind you.
Apparently I can fight fear if someone I love is next to me. That’s new. That’s beautiful.
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