....I look forward to what you and Becky say about things, because like myself, we tend to express ourselves in 'long form' and I truly enjoy that.
It's like being spoiled.
"Oh my, they CARE about me....cause look at the novel they wrote!"
[giggle]
Yeah, about that village....that's why my wife and I HAD one.
I've been mocked and teased over the years for the size of my family, but that's never been the true issue that people miss.
...I have a large family that LOVES each other.
That's exceedingly rare.
So that 'village' is all family, both blood and by choice. Raised to support and respect one another, with the love embedded so deep, there are no holes.
When there is a need, the natural flow of our family fills it. Whether that be from mom, dad, sibling, or grandchild.
...because we want to.
It is WHAT WE DO.
It is WHO WE ARE.
But that leads back to our talk last year, about the definition of family, and that 'The blood of the covenant is strong than the water of the womb.'
You get to CHOOSE family. Blood or not. That's why there is adoption.
100% valid.
Wisest statement this year so far is, "We make do with what God gives us and we receive it in gratitude.:
That is KEY.
Now if I can get Becky to respond, my week will be epic.
....looking forward to diving into bth your substacks =)
Love you, Kristie. Thank you for the comment...tell Jules and Lucas I said hi!!
No apology needed for a long response!—EVER. Your long-form reflections are a gift to me too, and honestly, they always feel like a warm conversation shared over a good cup of tea. The way you describe your family—how love flows so naturally, so intentionally, through every generation—is something deeply special. It’s the reason we love movies like “Cheaper by the Dozen” or why Latinos in their homelands often have so many children. We understand the value of building a strong community and how that community will show up for each other when any member is down.
I grew up surrounded by siblings, cousins, and family—the only problem was that the creators of that family were not capable of doing what you and your loving wife have done so beautifully: “Raised to support and respect one another, with the love embedded so deep, there are no holes.” The patriarch in our family was an alcoholic, abusive to the matriarch, and that pain spilled into their children through violence, neglect, and addiction. That same pain seeped into the grandchildren—us. Our family was doomed from generations past.
But I’ve started again. It’s taken me a long time to free myself from the tangled, cursed web of trauma and faulty beliefs. Raising my two free from those shackles of destruction has been the hardest thing I’ve ever done—but also the most worthwhile. I’m finally in a place that feels completely free from anyone who could threaten our safety. It’s true freedom, and my deepest prayer is that my kids will never know that life.
I had to teach them concepts I was never taught: support, respect, and unconditional love. And let’s be honest, you can’t teach what you’ve never been taught. My compass was always: don’t teach anything they taught. But that was hard, too, because in my experience, even the baby in that bathwater was part of the problem.
Long story short, I’ve done—and continue to do—the hard work to end the dysfunction with me. My intuition, my inner knowing, has been my guide, and it’s never let me down. I’m not a perfect mother, but I know my kids have good hearts. They’re a bit spoiled, sure, but they’re loving, happy souls. They know they’re loved. They know they have a support system. And most importantly, they know they don’t have to earn any of it—it’s here, freely flowing.
One of the most profound lessons I’ve learned is that healing isn’t linear. It’s messy, it’s painful, and sometimes it feels like two steps forward, one step back. But every time I see my kids laugh freely, every time they come to me with their worries without fear, every time they just know they’re safe—I’m reminded why I keep doing the work.
Thank you for sharing your heart, Jaime. Your words reminded me of the ‘why’ behind so much of my own journey and the words just started flowing. And yes, we talked about this and how Family—whether by blood or by choice—isn’t just about being there, it’s about how we show up for each other. You’re an exemplary—a role model for how to show up beautifully. They may have teased and mocked you, but it was only because they lacked what you have. And spoiler alert: most of the country lacks it too.
Sending love to you and your village. ❤️ Now, @beckywebster … chime in and make this wonderful man’s week epic!
"The patriarch in our family was an alcoholic, abusive to the matriarch, and that pain spilled into their children through violence, neglect, and addiction. That same pain seeped into the grandchildren—us. Our family was doomed from generations past."
Always hurts to hear that. I hear it often.
I had and have a wonderful example in my father. I learned to love my wife with all my soul from watching my dad love my mom. To hear my mothers sweet praise and adoration of my dad cemented my respect for my father.
When I feared or doubted, because life got 'hard' for our family, my mom would smile...that perfect...kind...infinite smile only a mom and loving wife can produce.
"It will be okay, sweetie. Your father can do ANYthing. If he sets his mind to it, it will happen. God is with him."
God is with him?
How often do you hear that?
Gosh I miss my mom.
Still trying to become HALF of what I see my father as...and I'll keep striving...but one thing that has been lacking, IMO, from lives is truth.
Truth is more important than anything else...and it's the foundation of my own family. You do what is right, beCAUSE IT IS RIGHT. Not because it's easy, convenient, or because you're seen, get credit, you are agreed with or even loved.
You do it, because it's the right thing to do.
Let the rest happen.
That, I believe, builds the character for all else to flow.
You will 'win' the hearts and confidence of those around you when they know your character will always turn to do what is right. Then let your love shine through that truth and extend the hand of true friendship...and you can save the world.
I can feel the deep respect and love you have for your parents in every line of your description of them. The image of your mother’s smile and her unwavering faith in your father is so powerful—it’s a kind of love and trust that feels sacred, almost untouchable. Something I wished would have existed in my relationships. I wish I would have had the kind of trust in a partner that could have led our family so that I could stand strong in my role as a mother and wife without having to do both.
I learned to be the leader, provider, and protector while also being the supporter, nurturer, and multiplier. It was a replication of the generation before me. We do what we were taught, and even when we logically talk ourselves out of repeating those patterns, subconsciously we gravitate toward what feels familiar. Change requires deep uprooting of faulty beliefs and a willingness to face the uncomfortable truths within ourselves.
Your father sounds like an incredible man—someone who not only carried the weight of responsibility but did it with faith and integrity. And from what I’ve seen in your words and actions, you’re walking that same path. You’ve taken the lessons he passed down and are living them out with the same strength and honor.
I deeply admire your commitment to truth. You’re absolutely right—it’s the foundation of everything. Doing what’s right, not because it’s easy or because anyone’s watching, but simply because it’s right. That’s something I’ve instilled in my own children as well. Integrity and truth are, in my eyes, the most important and fundamental qualities a person can have. They’re not always easy to live out, and they’re rarely convenient, but they’re what build character, confidence, and genuine love and respect from those around you.
Your belief that love, truth, and integrity can ‘save the world’ isn’t crazy—it’s rare and beautiful. It’s what I hold dear to my heart and value most. If more people held onto that conviction, imagine how different things would be in this world.
Oh, and my humble opinion may not carry much weight, but I think you’re doing an incredible job at carrying your father’s legacy forward. 😉
I think I should apologize to you.
....I look forward to what you and Becky say about things, because like myself, we tend to express ourselves in 'long form' and I truly enjoy that.
It's like being spoiled.
"Oh my, they CARE about me....cause look at the novel they wrote!"
[giggle]
Yeah, about that village....that's why my wife and I HAD one.
I've been mocked and teased over the years for the size of my family, but that's never been the true issue that people miss.
...I have a large family that LOVES each other.
That's exceedingly rare.
So that 'village' is all family, both blood and by choice. Raised to support and respect one another, with the love embedded so deep, there are no holes.
When there is a need, the natural flow of our family fills it. Whether that be from mom, dad, sibling, or grandchild.
...because we want to.
It is WHAT WE DO.
It is WHO WE ARE.
But that leads back to our talk last year, about the definition of family, and that 'The blood of the covenant is strong than the water of the womb.'
You get to CHOOSE family. Blood or not. That's why there is adoption.
100% valid.
Wisest statement this year so far is, "We make do with what God gives us and we receive it in gratitude.:
That is KEY.
Now if I can get Becky to respond, my week will be epic.
....looking forward to diving into bth your substacks =)
Love you, Kristie. Thank you for the comment...tell Jules and Lucas I said hi!!
Jaime,
No apology needed for a long response!—EVER. Your long-form reflections are a gift to me too, and honestly, they always feel like a warm conversation shared over a good cup of tea. The way you describe your family—how love flows so naturally, so intentionally, through every generation—is something deeply special. It’s the reason we love movies like “Cheaper by the Dozen” or why Latinos in their homelands often have so many children. We understand the value of building a strong community and how that community will show up for each other when any member is down.
I grew up surrounded by siblings, cousins, and family—the only problem was that the creators of that family were not capable of doing what you and your loving wife have done so beautifully: “Raised to support and respect one another, with the love embedded so deep, there are no holes.” The patriarch in our family was an alcoholic, abusive to the matriarch, and that pain spilled into their children through violence, neglect, and addiction. That same pain seeped into the grandchildren—us. Our family was doomed from generations past.
But I’ve started again. It’s taken me a long time to free myself from the tangled, cursed web of trauma and faulty beliefs. Raising my two free from those shackles of destruction has been the hardest thing I’ve ever done—but also the most worthwhile. I’m finally in a place that feels completely free from anyone who could threaten our safety. It’s true freedom, and my deepest prayer is that my kids will never know that life.
I had to teach them concepts I was never taught: support, respect, and unconditional love. And let’s be honest, you can’t teach what you’ve never been taught. My compass was always: don’t teach anything they taught. But that was hard, too, because in my experience, even the baby in that bathwater was part of the problem.
Long story short, I’ve done—and continue to do—the hard work to end the dysfunction with me. My intuition, my inner knowing, has been my guide, and it’s never let me down. I’m not a perfect mother, but I know my kids have good hearts. They’re a bit spoiled, sure, but they’re loving, happy souls. They know they’re loved. They know they have a support system. And most importantly, they know they don’t have to earn any of it—it’s here, freely flowing.
One of the most profound lessons I’ve learned is that healing isn’t linear. It’s messy, it’s painful, and sometimes it feels like two steps forward, one step back. But every time I see my kids laugh freely, every time they come to me with their worries without fear, every time they just know they’re safe—I’m reminded why I keep doing the work.
Thank you for sharing your heart, Jaime. Your words reminded me of the ‘why’ behind so much of my own journey and the words just started flowing. And yes, we talked about this and how Family—whether by blood or by choice—isn’t just about being there, it’s about how we show up for each other. You’re an exemplary—a role model for how to show up beautifully. They may have teased and mocked you, but it was only because they lacked what you have. And spoiler alert: most of the country lacks it too.
Sending love to you and your village. ❤️ Now, @beckywebster … chime in and make this wonderful man’s week epic!
"The patriarch in our family was an alcoholic, abusive to the matriarch, and that pain spilled into their children through violence, neglect, and addiction. That same pain seeped into the grandchildren—us. Our family was doomed from generations past."
Always hurts to hear that. I hear it often.
I had and have a wonderful example in my father. I learned to love my wife with all my soul from watching my dad love my mom. To hear my mothers sweet praise and adoration of my dad cemented my respect for my father.
When I feared or doubted, because life got 'hard' for our family, my mom would smile...that perfect...kind...infinite smile only a mom and loving wife can produce.
"It will be okay, sweetie. Your father can do ANYthing. If he sets his mind to it, it will happen. God is with him."
God is with him?
How often do you hear that?
Gosh I miss my mom.
Still trying to become HALF of what I see my father as...and I'll keep striving...but one thing that has been lacking, IMO, from lives is truth.
Truth is more important than anything else...and it's the foundation of my own family. You do what is right, beCAUSE IT IS RIGHT. Not because it's easy, convenient, or because you're seen, get credit, you are agreed with or even loved.
You do it, because it's the right thing to do.
Let the rest happen.
That, I believe, builds the character for all else to flow.
You will 'win' the hearts and confidence of those around you when they know your character will always turn to do what is right. Then let your love shine through that truth and extend the hand of true friendship...and you can save the world.
Crazy, maybe.
...but I'd like to try anyway.
I can feel the deep respect and love you have for your parents in every line of your description of them. The image of your mother’s smile and her unwavering faith in your father is so powerful—it’s a kind of love and trust that feels sacred, almost untouchable. Something I wished would have existed in my relationships. I wish I would have had the kind of trust in a partner that could have led our family so that I could stand strong in my role as a mother and wife without having to do both.
I learned to be the leader, provider, and protector while also being the supporter, nurturer, and multiplier. It was a replication of the generation before me. We do what we were taught, and even when we logically talk ourselves out of repeating those patterns, subconsciously we gravitate toward what feels familiar. Change requires deep uprooting of faulty beliefs and a willingness to face the uncomfortable truths within ourselves.
Your father sounds like an incredible man—someone who not only carried the weight of responsibility but did it with faith and integrity. And from what I’ve seen in your words and actions, you’re walking that same path. You’ve taken the lessons he passed down and are living them out with the same strength and honor.
I deeply admire your commitment to truth. You’re absolutely right—it’s the foundation of everything. Doing what’s right, not because it’s easy or because anyone’s watching, but simply because it’s right. That’s something I’ve instilled in my own children as well. Integrity and truth are, in my eyes, the most important and fundamental qualities a person can have. They’re not always easy to live out, and they’re rarely convenient, but they’re what build character, confidence, and genuine love and respect from those around you.
Your belief that love, truth, and integrity can ‘save the world’ isn’t crazy—it’s rare and beautiful. It’s what I hold dear to my heart and value most. If more people held onto that conviction, imagine how different things would be in this world.
Oh, and my humble opinion may not carry much weight, but I think you’re doing an incredible job at carrying your father’s legacy forward. 😉
I think that's yet another reason we are kindred, dear one.
...and as long as you are alive, there is time to find or to be found by such a companion.
Just my belief, but it is a conviction.
Oh and they say Hi 👋🏼 back!
HUGS!!
Hope you're feeling better, Jules!!!