Resistance Against The Sucker Punch

Huh. Who knew an ink cartridge could have diarrhea?

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Being a creative has its set of challenges. 

Just being able to sit down to collect your thoughts and to exert a level of creativity is a skill set few can master. That alone puts you in a minute percentage of the population. Add to that the unlimited and ever-changing barriers of life, family, regular work hours and surprise moments from that ass we call Murphy. A purple polka-dotted unicorn is a common everyday occurrence compared to you.

To sit down and write a book, you often have to become a bona fide, one-of-a-kind miracle worker. Or maybe that’s because I have a small country of children invading my mental space at every waking moment. I’m not sure.

This isn’t a complaint. I don’t want fewer children in my life. What I want is a greater capacity to deal with this, and a few other aspects of my life. Children are the inspiration and the motivation for what I do. Children are my hope, and motivated children are the reward of every effort I make. Take that away from me, and this process becomes a hobby and a complete waste of time any way I look at it.

So why am I writing about this?

Because one barrier of this process, are my own thoughts. The strained and often skewed perspectives I’m forced to deal with day in and day out. Things that hinder my opportunities to write and set down the words that help me figure out what I think of a thing. The words that help me digest quandaries and solve the challenges that stand in my way, keeping me from grasping the success I’ve been searching for all my life. 

Making all this public is a way to force me into solving these issues. Each sentence I reveal from inside my head to you compels me forward. If I do this right, it’ll also serve to help you in aspects of your own creative process. 

A two-for-one sounds like a good deal to me.

When Amazon Sends You Lemons

Every day, I face challenges with my health, including cardiovascular issues, diabetes, declining eyesight, sleep apnea, and reduced mobility. Fine, that’s my lot. I’m pushing past that on most days.

What do you do, though, when you purchase $250 in ink for your $650 printer and one week after the 30-day return deadline expires, the magenta ink cartridge explodes? 

No matter what I did to print out my written chapters, my printer flashed an error. Two to four pages would print, then freeze. The paper would jam. I’d pull the sheets out, but it would happen over and over. I pulled open the ink tray with the new cartridges. Each covered in pink powder. 

Looked like the magenta cartridge had the runs from a severe case of Mexican food. Maybe I’m wrong and it was Indian food, I don’t know, but that thing had the craps, and it was all over EVERYthing. When I went back to the other parts of the printer I could open to self-service, pink residue seeped out. It was a Barbie nightmare. 

Pink was everywhere.

Now, to be honest, Amazon shouldn't shoulder the entire blame for this. Perhaps we can't blame Amazon entirely. But if you're like me and you pay attention to how packages are beaten to hell when they arrive on your doorstep, Amazon plays a part in this process. Faulty or not from the actual vendor, treating products without care during transit doesn’t help.

So here I sit:

• unable to print; 

• $250 in new ink cartridges ruined, which I can’t return;

• My $650 printer is now barfing up Barbie juice;

• …and I don’t have the means top pay for any repairs.

Thanks Murfy.

Butthead.

What do you do when circumstances sucker punch you like this?

What’s Your WHY In this Moment?

That’s what I had to ask myself, right here, right now. 

The pain I deal with on a moment to moment basis already consumes an inordinate amount of my time and will power. It takes sheer stubborn determination to keep going. A genetic fortitude to give most problems a silent middle finger as a push forward, inch by screaming inch (thanks for that, dad, you’re awesome). This is most of the bloody mess people don’t see.

I’m not better than you or anyone else. We all have challenges and things we have to wade through alone. We all have pains, demons, skeletons on our closets, hopes that get dashed daily, bad habits and sins to overcome…I get that. This is me, just admitting that my body does not want to do what I tell it to do most days. That’s one of my titanic struggles, and it’s growing. 

Age and horrible decisions as a youth showed up one day and said, “Hi Jaime, we’re here to remind you of those questionable choices you made 35 years ago. No, no, don’t get up. Which limb would you like us to apply the bat to first? We can come back and abuse you more next week. Would Tuesday or Friday work better for you?”

Opposite to that is a drive, an upbringing, and a heartfelt need/desire to keep my word. To NOT let people down. This single conflict is mental and emotional torment. 

“So WHY are you doing this, Jaime?” I ask myself. Yeah, sometimes out loud.

“Because what I write matters,” I’ll respond. “This isn’t about me anymore. It’s about leaving something to care for my darling wife, who has supported me every step of the way. To leave stories for my kids and those grandkids who may never meet me. It’s for those who might not have the support system I’ve had most of my life — so they know they matter, and that there is a clear path they can learn from.”

That’s when I look at the printer with the upset stomach.

“I’m doing this, because I don’t want to be forgotten. The right stories can inspire a person for a lifetime. I want to be that kind of storyteller…and THAT kind of storyteller would NOT give up.”

Do The MOST Important Things FIRST

First: Hog tie and gag Murphy, then throw his irritating carcass into the closet until I can think of what to do with him. Now out of my face, I can’t hear his taunting voice. 

Second: The priority is writing. To know that I can still write today, I’ve shared this very experience. I’ve vented, explained, and in the process of sharing with you, I’ve worked out my own challenges. Now I will move on to the next chapter of Wendell’s book.

Third: I need to clean and repair the printer. Since I don’t have the resources to have someone else do it, I’ll attempt it myself. There are cleaners and a canister of air to blow out what I can get to. I also have a set of replacement ink cartridges. I’ll move the chips over and try those. Yes, I’ve lost a chunk of money, but God willing, we can replace it with a little time. My bigger hope is to gain a working printer so I can edit these chapters on paper.

Fourth: This feels like a good thing to podcast about. 

Lastly: Tomorrow is another day. Do all you can do today, learn from the steps you take, adjust your plans and tools, and keep going. Best of all, love those around you. Spend some time with those who support you and cheer you on. Let them know you see them, value them, and appreciate how they help your world spin a little smoother.

Or in my case,….a LOT smoother.

We’ll talk soon.

Jaime

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Paid subscribers can comment, access the archive of this site, along with other stories, art, and any article I’ve ever written. If you aren’t a paid subscriber, you can access the archive for free with a 7-day trial OR earn a paid membership by joining the referral program! Contact me if you need our ‘hardship scholarships’ — used for military, first responders, homeschoolers and those in countries with horrible exchange rates — we have a deeeep discount for you.