Not the One She Sees

I know this sounds stupid, but that’s the problem.

This story was created for Scoot’s ‘Flash Fiction Friday’ event. It’s a fun way to worldbuild and expand this vast fiction landscape. This is the 1000 words or less ‘SUPERNOVA’ challenge. WoHOO…826 words.

I’ve stood in front of dragons, you know.

Real ones.

There’s a smell to them. Heat and bone and something ancient that doesn’t care if you’re brave. When you face something like that, your body already knows what to do. Your heart pounds. Your hands shake. You either step forward or you don’t.

There’s clarity.

Loving Lili isn’t like that.

It’s quieter.

And somehow…worse.

She brushed past me in the courtyard this morning and said, “Oh—sorry, Wendell,” like I was a table she almost bumped into.

I smiled.

But I always smile.

It would be so much easier if she were cruel.

If she rolled her eyes. If she ignored me entirely. Or maybe if she laughed when I talked…not with me, just at me.

But she doesn’t.

She’s kind.

I know this sounds stupid, but that’s the problem.

Dax caught me staring after her. “You’re doing it again,” he said.

“Doing what?”

“The slow blink. The pretending-you’re-fine thing.”

“I am fine.”

He gave me that look. The one that says he knows I’m lying but he respects me enough not to press too hard.

Across the courtyard, Lili was laughing at something Chuck said. She touched his sleeve when she laughed. Not intentionally. Just naturally. Like that’s where her hand landed when she talks to someone she’s comfortable with. She did the same thing when we stayed in the warehouse back in Clockworks City. She did it with Morty, with Freak, with Nathan…even Shamas.

I hate that I notice those details.

I don’t hate any of them.

Of course not.

That’s the strange part.

I don’t want to replace anyone else. I don’t want to shove anyone out of the way.

I just… want to be the person she turns toward.

Chuck found me by the river later.

“You’re heavy today,” he said.

“That’s specific.”

“It’s accurate.”

I skipped a stone. It bounced twice and sank. “She doesn’t see me.”

Chuck didn’t correct me. That’s how I knew it was true.

“She sees you,” he said carefully. “She simply doesn’t see you the way you wish.”

That was worse.

I don’t blame her.

That’s important.

I don’t sit around thinking she owes me anything, or that she should even change in the slightest. She doesn’t. Feelings aren’t assignments. You don’t get paired up because you were patient or kind or loyal.

If that were true, the world would be much simpler.

Gosh, wouldn’t THAT be nice?

I love the way she thanks people by name. I love how she frowns when someone cheats at cards. I love that she argues with anyone when she thinks they’re wrong.

I love that she’s strong without needing to prove it.

And she does laugh with me. She trusts me, now. She asks for my opinion.

Just not the kind that leads anywhere.

“Have you told her?” Dax asked later that evening.

“And accomplish what?”

“Closure.”

“Humiliation,” I said.

He shrugged. “Same thing sometimes.”

Maybe.

But if I tell her and she looks at me with that careful, apologetic expression people use when they’re about to let you down gently…

I don’t know if I could survive that without something inside me breaking.

Not in some dramatic way.

In a quiet one.

The kind that turns good intentions into bitterness.

That would be horrible, and I refuse to let that happen.

…but I have a feeling that break would be something I just wouldn’t be able to fix.

She called my name tonight.

Just my name.

“Hey, Wendell.”

That’s it.

No glow. No revelation. Just recognition.

“You coming to the planning meeting tomorrow?” she asked.

“Yes.”

“Good. We could use your brain.”

I forced a laugh and smiled. “Happy to lend it.”

She smiled at me.

Not differently.

Just warmly.

Then she turned back to the others.

I’m pretty sure I stood there a moment longer than I should have.

I could have told her then.

I could have stepped into the gap and said the words.

But I walked away.

Because loving someone doesn’t mean forcing them to pivot toward you.

It means wanting their happiness… even if it doesn’t include you.

That doesn’t make it easy.

It hurts.

It hurts in a way dragons don’t.

Dragons are honest.

This is slow.

But I’d rather carry this ache than become the kind of person who resents her for not choosing me.

Yeah, this sucks, but that wouldn’t be me.

She deserves freedom.

Even if that freedom doesn’t point in my direction.

I’ll be fine.

I have to be.

Because if I let this turn into something ugly… then it’s just proof that I never loved her in the first place.

And I do.

It’s something I just can’t explain, but I feel it down to the soles of my feet and with every beat of my heart.

That’s the worst part about all this.

…but it’s also the best.

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