FieldScribe’s note. I have spent my life writing down other people’s histories... kings, wars, creatures that would happily eat the lot of us. This one is mine. I am putting it where strangers can read it, which every careful instinct I own calls a mistake, and I am doing it anyway. Some things kept in a drawer help no one. What follows is a letter I wrote to my daughter, Alhannah... about her mother, and the principles two stubborn gnomes built a life on. Beneath it is a shorter one, written long before, in a hand I still cannot read all the way through without stopping. Take what’s useful. Leave the rest.
...H.L.
My Life With Your Mother
You’d think things would become easier after I won your mother’s heart, but nothing could be further from the truth. In fact, everything got infinitely harder. No one liked the idea of me marrying your mother but my own parents. Your mother had to fight to marry me. She finally had to turn her back on everyone, including Grandma and Grandpa Gearspinner, and walk away with me.
Oh, everyone eventually came around... especially when I started winning research awards... but only because they finally saw my dedication and devotion to your brilliant mother. These experiences taught me a great deal about life, people, and what it takes to stand firm within our own lives.
Sometimes we want to yell and kick and scream at Tgii for the cruel tricks played on us. Maybe you personally need to cut off a few extra limbs from an enemy. But the point is... we need ways to vent. That’s ok. We’re not less as people because of it. It’s that little screw on the top of the old steam cooker. You have to turn it, letting the pressure out, before the whole pot explodes.
You’re a tough cookie, just like your beloved mother... but I want to share a few things with you.
Alhannah, you asked me once how I did it. You hear about the “perfect” marriage your mother and I had. Our marriage wasn’t perfect, sweetheart, but we did have principles we lived by. This began with the loving relationship we had, but when I sat down to write it out, I realized the same would apply to most relationships in life. Friendships included. So don’t think I’m trying to sway you in your life choices. I’m not. Just consider this a story about your parents... and if by some remarkable stroke of luck you can use it, feel free.
All I ask is that you put your assumptions aside, open your mind, and accept what I have to say at face value. Put it to the test and see if things don’t happen for the better.
Know Who You Are
The best thing you can do for yourself, sweetheart, is to know who you are. I know you well enough, Alhannah, to know you’re going to balk at this. Don’t. You have yet to take the time and make the effort, the true effort, to discover who you are. You’re more than you realize. This takes time, and extraordinary circumstances, to uncover and discover for yourself.
The reason I stress this so much is that it is the foundation of your existence.
Alhannah, you must know and understand your place, your heart, your mind... your very worth as a woman and a warrior. You have a tendency, a belief, that you need outside sources to confirm your value... and that’s wrong. You don’t. It’s not that it wouldn’t be wonderful, but the opinions of others can’t be the foundation of your world. Not if you want to reach your full potential. Your life has to be built on who you are... and on being a complement and a helpmate to others.
Friends, family... it’s all the same.
The most damning word I have ever heard used is “compromise.” The word is misused so often. Yes, compromise means to come to an agreement or a concession with another, so common ground can be created. But too often it is applied to principles, which should never be compromised. Knowing who you are and what you stand for allows you to live without compromising your principles while navigating the plethora of personalities you’ll encounter.
There is nothing wrong with changing your views according to new knowledge and information you receive, but you should never compromise the principles you live by. The challenge, then, is for you to truly understand what those principles are. Once you know... not believe, not have faith, but know... you are going to be pleasantly surprised at how much simpler your life becomes. When your life is based on established principles, your decisions in any given predicament are already made.
Don’t Settle
I know I’m your father, and a father’s opinions only go so far, but you need to know that you are a beautiful young lady. When I say beautiful, I mean it in every definition and possibility of the word. You are also strong, both in will and in mind. That being said, my biggest fear is that you become so anxious, so frustrated and desperate because things are not going the way you want or hope, that you make the wrong associations.
Never, never, NEVER settle when it comes to relationships. I don’t care if he’s 2’1” tall, hair black as slag oil, teeth white as snow, eyes blue as the sea, and a credit account as large as Philbert Bellows’. He could still turn out to be an egotistical, chauvinistic dirtbag without scruples or conscience. Don’t settle. It doesn’t matter if it’s a partner for a job or someone you meet through one. Associate with gnomes who are your equal.
People don’t have to be your equal in all things, and they won’t be, but friendships and long-term relationships should match your intellect, your heart, your desires, and your convictions. Everyone has value, but not everyone has the same value... it doesn’t make a person better or worse or less than you, but it could mean they are less compatible.
The key is this: if you want any relationship to last, look for those who share your values and beliefs.
Say What You Mean
You’re not one to hold your tongue, Alhannah, but that doesn’t mean you speak from the heart. This will always be a burden to you if you don’t overcome it. There are dangers to speaking your mind and to speaking your heart. Dangers, disappointments, and heartache... but you have to build a life on what can be, not on fear. Learn to say what you truly mean, so that others can understand you.
It took a long time for me to understand this with your mother. We had different definitions for the same words, which caused a lot of confusion early in our marriage. I had the same problem with Morty Teedlebaum. Making the effort to be honest and open with one another... not unkind, not blunt to the point of rudeness, but open and willing to explain our definitions... allowed us to communicate. Over time, we learned one another’s individual languages. In your mother’s case, we discovered our language of love. Mine was to show her through my actions, through gifts and attending to her needs, while she expressed her heart through her words and through being physically close to me.
By understanding this about one another, and remaining open, asking patiently and softly for clarification when confused, we grew closer every day. That’s what other people missed... it’s not that we never had disagreements or misunderstandings, but we worked everything out in a loving and respectful way. I spent more time holding her hand and cuddling, leaving her notes when she least expected them. Your mother, in turn, became ever attentive to the small details of my life... listening to my excitement over work, helping me organize my files and artifacts. It was heaven.
The same principles apply to friendships, or any relationship, both personal and professional.
The male species will never truly understand the female species unless, through patience, we work together. That’s what I learned through twenty-two years of marriage. We cannot read your minds, as much as you wish we could, nor can we discern the subtle hints you make. My counsel to you, my dear, for your sake and for the sake of those you associate with, is to say exactly what you mean, and to mean exactly what you say.
The Night Grammy Slapped Me
I’ll never forget what happened right after I proposed to your mother.
I was so excited. It hadn’t been more than a week after having my fingers bitten off that I felt the urge to ask your mother to marry me. To her, of course, it seemed awfully sudden... but for me, well, I’d been in love with her for years, waiting patiently for her to notice me.
It was a long weekend, and because I was doing so much work for the government, I was away most of the time. It didn’t make any sense to find a place to live, shelling out money for a home I didn’t use... so I still lived with papa.
It was over dinner.
Your mother was supposed to come over and eat with us, but she had an assignment to complete.
I’m sitting at the table, laughing over a silly joke your papa told... something about fungus and the underwear of a Therrin. Your grandmother comes out carrying a platter of mushrooms and beets from the garden, and I said aloud, “I proposed to Sylvia, and she said YES!”
Without warning, your grandmother’s hand whipped out and slapped me across the face.
My mother, who had rarely so much as raised her VOICE, had actually struck me.
“What did you do that for?” I asked.
“Did you ask her father’s permission?” she asked.
I looked at her curiously, and I have to say, I was utterly confused. Your papa, on the other hand, who has always been the strong role model for me, sat there in silence, eating his mushrooms. He didn’t even bother to look up at me. My mother stood over me like a volcano ready to erupt.
Not sure what to say, I replied, “Why would I do that?”
My mother proved to me that night that the national quick-draw competition had nothing on this old bird. Her hand whipped out a second time, faster than I could blink, and slapped me so hard my head spun.
“OW!” I yelled. “What was THAT for?”
Shaking her head, she said, “Höbin Luckyfeller, I certainly hope you intend to rectify this.”
My father looked up and nodded without a word. That was all I ever got from my own mother, bless her heart. But it was that night that I heard, for the very first time, the proper etiquette of family government. I had no clue it was expected of me... not out of law, but out of respect and honor for our family... to go through the proper channels and ask for your mother’s hand in marriage.
My father and I talked through the night until breakfast. He shared important rules for a gnome to live by, and I think it’s important to share them with you. My hope, Alhannah, is that you’ll use them to judge the worthiness of the gnomes around you. These are the very same rules and beliefs I live by, and the ones I built our family upon.
My father taught me that nothing should be desired more in a family than peace, love, and union. He said these are essential to happiness, and it has been my experience that he was absolutely correct. But in order to have these desirable things, my father recommended I observe the following rules... many of which you will recognize as I relate them.
RULE ONE: If I decided to be a husband and to secure a helpmate, I should find that right person, or “The One,” by BEING that one first. I needed to be a good person, able to govern myself. He said that if I could not govern myself, I certainly could not govern a family. I was to give my life in service to others, for by serving others I would develop the character worthy of a good companion.
RULE TWO: Next, I was told to use wisdom in the choice of a wife. He stressed this for a specific reason. The male species tends to look wholly at the beauty of the countenance and the splendor of the apparel, and is drawn by artful smiles and the affected modesty of females. You are not immune to this, Alhannah. You are more lovely than you realize, and gnomes see it. But, papa cautioned, all of these, without genuine virtue, are like dewdrops just before sunrise. They glitter for a moment in the sun, dazzling our eyes, and then they vanish.
Instead, he said, look for a kind and amiable disposition; for unaffected modesty; for industrious habits and sterling virtue; for honesty, integrity, truthfulness, and cleanliness of person and apparel. He said to look for skills to assist in your lives together, and for cheerfulness, patience, stability of character, and above all... the genuine ability to control and govern one’s every thought and deed.
Alhannah, can you see how perfectly your mother fit that list? She was disciplined and skilled, intelligent and wise... with a kindness and love and patience so deep I have never seen it equaled.
RULE THREE: Papa said that since I had found your mother, possessing these very qualifications, I should seek to obtain her hand lawfully and honorably, through the Council of her father.
It was only then that I realized why my mother had slapped me. I never knew it was my duty, or even respectful, to approach your grandfather and ask his permission. I’d never heard any of this. But my desire to do what was right... to formally ask to court and marry his daughter... made a HUGE difference.
Luckily, my adventures with your uncle Chuck and Dax proved to be the greatest assistance in winning your grandfather’s approval. Visiting lower Humär, I was fortunate enough to attend a betrothal ritual. Prince Molimau had been courting a local chieftain’s daughter and was preparing to ask for her hand. Chuck pointed out that the custom in the islands of the southern seas is to bestow a gift upon the father, for the young man is seeking a blessing. In this case, Prince Molimau offered twenty goats and twelve cows, which he gave to the chieftain.
When I explained to your mother my intention to speak with her father, she went home over the weekend and arranged the meeting.
I was invited to their home. We had a simple dinner, mostly in silence. Your grandfather retired to his study without a word, poring over the intricate watches and clocks of his trade. What I knew, however, was his little-known passion for the exotic races and customs of the world. It was my ace up the sleeve. It had come to my attention only weeks before, through my own father, who had heard your grandfather request a rare book on island cultures while in Boltbottom Books.
It was a lovely evening... time spent with your mother and my soon-to-be mother-in-law... but your grandfather never called me to his study. I was about to go home when your mother marched into the study and reminded your grandfather that I had come to speak with him in private. He quickly called me in.
The talk was a short one. I have to admit... I was terrified. Your grandfather was a very large man, and it’s hard not to shake in your boots when a 3’6” gnome towers over you. But I stood my ground, spoke respectfully, and asked for your mother’s hand in marriage. What your grandfather wasn’t expecting was an offering.
I didn’t have goats or cows, but I had spent the previous night hunched over the kitchen table, drawing a collection of cartoon cows. Each bovine was actively engaged in an island custom or tradition, such as a fire dance or a slap dance. Nine cows, and a sketch of a burger on a grill, all tucked into an envelope.
The reaction was unexpected. Your grandfather burst out laughing, and it grew louder with each cartoon he turned to. Before the meeting was over, he gave me his word that he would seriously consider my proposal and discuss it with your grandmother.
The very next day, during lunchtime, your mother burst into papa’s shop, screaming, “HE SAID YES... HE SAID YES... HE SAID YES!” Then she stopped herself, slapped a hand over her mouth, and whispered, “But you can’t know that. I’m supposed to bring you to my father.”
So I can witness that this rule, this law, is for good reason. And I have maintained, to this day, a wonderful relationship with your grandparents.
RULE FOUR: Papa stressed how important it is never to betray the confidence of others. There are many things an affectionate, confiding spouse, or even a friend, may wish to share with you that they would be very unwilling to have shared with others. Keep the secrets of those close to you.
RULE FIVE: Never speak of the faults of those close to you to others. In doing so, you speak against yourself. No one is perfect, so you should never speak of another’s imperfections. By doing so, you not only injure yourself in your friend’s or your spouse’s estimation, but they will come to expect that you’ll speak against them when they’re not around. This weakens their confidence in you and sows division in your relationship.
If you must tell someone of their faults, always do so in private, and always in the spirit of kindness and love.
RULE SIX: Avoid anger and a fretful, peevish disposition in your relationships. Papa said this applies especially within your own family. If you allow yourself to be overcome by a hasty spirit, using harsh words, you will sour the feelings of others against you, and most likely beget the same in return.
It was here that my father gave me the wisest counsel concerning these rules. He said to do my very best to keep the right, loving spirit within me, a gentle disposition, and to avoid finding fault with every trifling error I might see. Not just in my own life, but in my children. He said this would discourage my family, that my children would begin to think it impossible to please me. Or worse, that you would all become indifferent to me, and wish for my absence.
I hope that has never been the case.
RULE SEVEN: You should always practice impartiality, as far as circumstances allow. Let your love and your kindness abound toward all. Though it may be hard, you must use your own judgment regarding your duties to others... never swayed by feelings over principle, including your own. Don’t decide hastily on partial evidence. Weigh everything in open light, to avoid becoming unjustly prejudiced. Again, everyone has imperfections and weaknesses, each growing and learning at a different rate.
Be patient.
When your mother and I were about to be married, she called me into a side room. We were all dressed up, ready to meet the guests, ready to stand before the priest, and she said, “We need to talk.”
I’m thinking, NOW? We’re about to get married, then run off for the honeymoon... and you want to talk about something NOW?
What your mother explained to me is something I will never forget.
She expressed her devotion and dedication to who she really was, and to the principles she lived by. You see, Alhannah, your mother had two simple goals. She wanted five children. Five! It’s what she’d always wanted, but she’d had to set that dream aside because she couldn’t find The One. Her other goal was to be a mother. You’re old enough to remember how dedicated she was, how much time she spent with you and your brother. She made me promise that after our first child, I would care for the family... and she would never have to work again. The military hated me for it, and even her parents disagreed, but she didn’t care. That was her dream, and I kept my word.
It’s one of the great regrets of my life... that your mother accepted that last job from N.E.R.D.S., the one that claimed her. The one time she herself made an exception...
That’s how I met your mother, sweetheart. All the trials, and all the patience, it took to secure her love.
One last thing.
As I was preparing to write to you, I found a set of old letters your mother had written. Some were to me... some of our correspondence... but I found something else.
Next time you come to see me, I’ll give you the original.
For now, just enjoy.
My Little Dumpling,
I know you wanted to come with me this time.
I’m sorry I had to leave you behind, but I’ll be home soon.
The world isn’t always a nice place for the little people, so I promise you... after this last trip, I’ll never leave you again. I’ll be the warrior-mommy, and you can be my Dumpling.
Your job, until I get home, is to obey daddy and to protect Green.
Alhannah, I am so proud of you. You’re growing so fast, and I just know you’re going to surprise everyone and become the most amazing warrior-princess. When I get home tomorrow, we’ll dress up in our blue jumpsuits and battle the bad guys together.
Just mom and her little girl.
Love you. Always and forever,
Mommy
I love you also, Alhannah.
Please be safe.
Dad
That is where I’ll stop. A scholar is meant to end with a conclusion. I find I don’t have one... only the rules, the people who taught them to me, and a daughter I would trade every cybernetic and every field guide I own to keep safe. If you have someone like that... go and tell them. Now. Don’t make my mother slap you first.
...H.L.