Insanity of my making
Wanted to share a discovery that will affect YOU in a big way.
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Snowed in, and working through the nights as light bulbs burn out, I had to ask my wife if we had any spares left.
We did. Thank goodness. My office has no windows or vents.
Being cold in the winter is hard enough, but to do it in the dark, or by the light of the computer monitors, puts too much strain on my eyes.
…and yet, I’m happy, because I am blessed.
There are stories to tell.
Better yet, the more stories I tell, the more stories bubble up from my mind.
That’s when something hit me. Hard.
The Question I’ve Been Asking
What is it that keeps me from running and creating as fast as I did over a decade ago, when writing six novels in a year was nothing but cracking my knuckles for the actual work?
I think it’s me.
Seriously, and hear me out on this one. I’ve been working it out for over a week, so I have some mental traction to share.
My office is a mess. Nothing new, I’m not an organized person. It’s a sea of ideas, thought processes, and arguments with fictional people that, I’m almost embarrassed to say, usually win those arguments, forcing me back to square one. When you look around, there are papers, doodles, notes from Höbin, discarded coffee cups, pens, pencils, and countless devices vying for a charger cord.
I live in Heaven.
Few people I know get to do what they love most for a living.
Alright, I’m not making a living at this yet, but more people will find a Life of Fiction and some will subscribe or buy books to support me.
It’ll happen.
My point here is that I’m always trying to organize this mess and make something rational out of it. To use my mental ‘hammer’ and forge these scraps laying about me, into something more substantial that I can share. Day in and day out, trying to organize, organize, organize.
Why?
I mean that, even though you may think I just gave you the answer.
Why?
When I was writing like a madman, my office wasn’t any more organized. In fact, most of that time I was homeless and didn’t have an office. Instead, I was churning out ideas, allowing them to come to life and connect themselves to one another. The characters told me when there was a link and everything seemed to fall into place.
What I did was share. Create…and share.
My Little Secret
Funny thing: I always imagined myself as a wise, 1500-year-old gnome mägo who lived among the stories in the Great Library of the Hero. That I walked into that grand building, where there is a sign by the front door that reads:
“Don’t Panic…Read a Book”
A place where time stops. Where there is always a plate of your favorite food, a cup with your favorite drink…and you never have to use the bathroom or sleep.
All while being surrounded by the collective works of a world in written form. Magic, lore, history, geography, poems, love stories, mysteries, plays, musicals, biographies, bestiaries, anthologies, manuals for anything you can conceive…with a giant table, a single, perfect chair, and enough parchment, pens and pencils to write with.
But that’s the truth.
I am that gnome.
I am in the Great Library.
I have access to all those wonderful books all the time.
They’re in my mind.
Waiting to be brought into existence…for you.
When I realized that, it made me ponder why writing again, getting into that special groove has been so hard for me after all these years. Why I write stories repeatedly, instead of trusting myself like I did in 2004?
TWENTY YEARS AGO!!!
Oh, my goodness — we should celebrate SOMEthing here!!
Sorry…squirrel.
The Answer Was Right In Front Of Me
ANYway….I thought about this for days. I’ve been swooning with it all day today, and the more I do, the more I feel weight falling from my shoulders. I’m in a position I’ve never been in before, and only now am I understanding how powerful and blessed this position is.
I have YOU.
(Choking up here….sec….need tissue)
Why didn’t I see this before?
I…have…you. The key to my peace of mind, my motivation, and my personal happiness.
Never once have you told me that the stories I wrote had to be perfect. Specifically, I mean without error. You’ve never criticized my artwork, my ideas, or my desire to give you more.
You just told me to run. To be ‘me’.
…and you’d stick with me.
I’m not sure most marriages have that kind of loyalty these days.
That’s the key — what hit me hard between the eyes — I’ve been trying to make things perfect, instead of being me and allowing my desire to write for you…wanting to tell ALL the stories…take over.
Like writing this today.
It’s not on some schedule, planned out or engineered to support something or lead into anything else, but letting you know I noticed, once again, how awesome YOU are to me.
Thank you. For being you. Again.
You do it SO well….hehe.
What happens now? Hmm. Not sure. I just know it’s gonna be fun on my side, so chances are pretty good you’ll have fun as well.
UNLEASH THE KRAKEN!!
[WHAT?]
Sorry, Dax is sitting in the corner, scowling at me. Hold on a sec.
*************
[Seriously? You couldn’t have told me that before now and saved me this soul-exposing letter?]
*************
[Butthead.]
*************
[Then speak UP next time!]
Grrrrr.
I may complain about dealing with 1.5 billion gnomes, but you ought to live with Dax for a month. You’d ask for Clockworks citizenship before you could say ‘good grief’.
[You heard me…and you may NOT light that cigar in the house!]
***********!!
[Yeah? Then you can deal with Kathi when she smells it, cause I won’t cover your butt if she catches you.]
** ** **
[Yeah, that’s what I thought, Mr. Tough Guy.]
Sorry. Some people’s children.
That’s about it. I wanted to share another breakthrough that might provide momentum and stress relief on my side. Always a good thing.
You have the Epilogue for Bloodsticks now. Next week you’ll get the rules and how to make Bloodsticks yourself. Then we get to publish!
Well, after I fix the cover…again. I’ll try to remember to touch on that during Monday Morning Coffee.
Have a wonderful weekend, and thank you for bringing happiness to my life.
I appreciate you.
Paid subscribers can comment, access the archive of this site, along with other stories, art, and any article I’ve ever written. If you aren’t a paid subscriber, you can access the archive for free with a 7-day trial OR earn a paid membership by joining the referral program! Contact me if you need our ‘hardship scholarships’ — used for military, first responders, homeschoolers and those in countries with horrible exchange rates — we have a deeeep discount for you.
This is a beautiful moment. Thank you for sharing it with us!