Definitions Can Be A Dangerous Thing
Definitions Can Be A Dangerous Thing
Just cause you can't fix stupid doesn't mean you should stop trying.
Paid subscribers can comment, access the archive of this site, along with other stories, art, and any article I’ve ever written. If you aren’t a paid subscriber, you can access the archive for free with a 7-day trial OR earn a paid membership by joining the referral program!
This community is special because of YOU. We don’t do social media. We don’t throw money at Google / Facebook / Amazon for advertising. We don’t pound on our chests or use link-bait.
We’re just…us. Thank you for loving us. The feeling is mutual.
I recently had a rather disturbing conversation with a man who claimed he knew something about Wendell, and he wanted to share it with me.
Being the fatherly person I like to believe I am (hey, I raised a monkey), and also caring about this individual, I sat down and listened to what he had to say.
It was a sensitive subject. When it finally came out, I was a bit shocked.
Let me tell you, that’s hard to do.
Wendell had agreed to be of help this individual’s village. As far as I was aware, our hero had gone above and beyond what he’d promised. Dax also confirmed this, who helped in the project himself. This man, however, felt more should have been done.
Specifically for him.
He expressed that he felt Wendell to be a dishonest youth. There was considerable hesitation trying to share what he felt, but I waited and listened.
He had beliefs and views that were contrary to my own and those of my ‘family’ (i.e. my adopted boys, Dax & Wendell). He was here to tell me that the choices made were wrong. He then defined how ‘charity’ worked, pointed out where Wendell had fallen short, and explained how the boy should fix it.
Immediately.
Hmmmm.
Now, no one has to explain to me that it's bad form to tell someone their own business.
…especially criticizing someone’s GIFT to you.
It’s wrong.
I know that. You know that.
Be very careful in your communications with others.
Not just for their sake, but for you own.
Things always go awry when there are variations of definitions involved.
After living a dozen generations, that's been my experience.
Clarify your definitions.
If you know you are at odds, define words before an actual conversation takes place. There's nothing wrong with asking questions or even disagreeing with someone. Clarity before agreement is a good rule of thumb. Just strive to do it with kindness and grace if you can.
Oh, don’t get me started about ‘feelings’. I’m only saying that we should remember that people are more important than the problems. Get on the same page and make sure you're both talking about the same thing!
Just…be prepared.
When this conversation was over, I’d been patient, kind, and even encouraged the man, thanking him for bringing this to my attention. It didn’t change what I knew about Wendell, nor my opinion of the boy. While this man had complained about what he had not personally received, dozens expressed gratitude for what Wendell had done for their community.
It was a difference in perspective.
Unfortunately, when I held out my hand in friendship, he looked at my offering, scowled, and said curtly, "No!"
He stormed out of the Cottage, leaving a dark feeling behind.
Sad.
That’s the other part of this coin.
Conversations are always hard when one side has predetermined the outcome before the communication even begins.
Q: Would you have handled this conversation differently?
Hit the ‘Leave a Comment’ button and join the conversation, cause I’m waiting!
Want to help keep me in basic office supplies?
I’m always running out of basic supplies……if you’re willing & able, you can click on my list of what I use and buy a product …..OR…. you can buy me a coffee and I’ll get what I need when I need it. THANKS!
"Walking in a Winter (/Spring/Summer, whatever it really is) 😂 😭 wonderland.
As Terry Pratchett says, in "Dodger", "the truth is a fog."
Hmm. Hard to say how I would have handled it without hearing the words. I hope I would have handled it as well as you did... But my experience says that my face would probably have betrayed me and I might have ultimately said something that held perhaps more truth (ok, my truth) than the person was comfortable with. I've learned that truth can look different to different people... Much like your definitions.
It is also fascinating to note that our words go through our own filters and then through the other person's filters before reaching their ears.
It is a wonder anyone is able to communicate.