76. LOOSE LIPS
“My friends call me Chuck,” the wizard blurted, then considered. “Which you’re not.”
When the Gem awakens to call a Hero, the world is ill prepared...and its fate is placed in the hands of a 17 year old boy, named Wendell.
Some will say this is nothing but a tale of fiction.
Let them think as they may.
After all...I can't fix stupid.
Previously: Enduring torture, Wendell draws the attention away from Dax and reveals who he is to the Gentre race.
Chapter 76
You should never tell a lie. Lying is bad. However, no one ever said you had to spill your guts, either…
Of the three main towers of Clockworks City, the most uncomfortable place to be was the halls of Government.
The air alone felt inspected…like it belonged to someone else and you were only borrowing it until a clerk decided otherwise. Within the tower, however, even those who lived there preferred to avoid the Centurion Citadel.
The Citadel was the center of the gnome legal system, wrapped up nice and shiny in a single structure. Citizens were brought in, questioned, booked, and marched through an automated court process overseen by judges via video conference…so they could stay at home, of course (usually in their pajamas). Those convicted were processed, their belongings numbered and catalogued, and then lowered into The Cage below…a two-hundred-level underground prison.
Of course, you had to be a really bad gnome to end up in The Cage.
At least that’s what the government wanted citizens to believe.
“Do I look alright?” Chuck asked again, patting his chest and fumbling for a pocket watch that was absolutely in his coat somewhere. “Are we late?”
Lili clung to his arm as if it were a plank on a stormy sea. Her eyes darted back and forth, and every passing vehicle made her shoulders tighten. She was forcing herself not to panic. Forcing herself not to flinch. She had promised to help. No matter what happened, she was determined to keep her word…to earn a measure of trust.
“You look fine,” she said. Then, because she couldn’t help herself, she glanced down at her own outfit and swallowed. “Wonderful.”
She looked down again, tugging at the hem of her skirt. “I’m not sure I’ll forgive you for this…this…whatever it is. I feel naked.”
“Nonsense,” the wizard said briskly. “You’re completely covered, child.”
He straightened his top hat, then tapped his dragonhead walking cane on the curb before stepping down onto the pedestrian runway.
“Wait…you didn’t even look at me!” he complained. “How am I supposed to act the part? Woo the ladies? Intimidate the men? Unless I look my über best?”
“Über?”
He adjusted his bow tie and flashed a sly smile. “Outstanding. Supreme example. Coooool.”
He flicked an eyebrow at her. “Like my tie? Bow ties are cool. Manly. Debonaire.”
“It’s pink,” Lili said, guiding him across the roadway with the trickle of pedestrians. “I guess it’s fine for your age and profession.”
“Pink?” Chuck frowned and adjusted the knot. “I thought it was just cheerful red. Hmph! Should’ve worn my glasses—” He stopped abruptly on the far side. “Of my age and profession?! What kind of remark is that? You call that encouragement?” He rolled his eyes. “For goodnes’s sake, child, why don’t you just tell me the embalming fluid’s taken well!”
“I didn’t mean—”
“These clothes weren’t cheap, you know.” He leaned closer and smiled. “And you look lovely, by the way…”
Lili’s cheeks warmed. “Why…thank you, Ch—”
“SEE?” Chuck blurted. “I’ve got style!” He spread his arms, nearly swatting two passing gnomes with his sleeves. “That’s what it’s going to take to pull this off…a keen mind and a forked tongue. But do I have the clothes to match the wit? The charm, lumous, atractivo, séduction?”
He nodded to himself as if he were delivering a lecture.
“That’s what we need here. Charm and focus! There’s no way we will ever—”
He stopped abruptly.
“Oh, look!” he squealed. “A penny!” Squatting to the ground, he scooped the copper relic from the ground like it was a priceless artifact.
Lili sighed.
A light whistle cut through the street noise.
Deloris had reached the other side and stood a few paces off, composed and purposeful. She nodded toward the Citadel.
“Time to go, dear,” Chuck said, adjusting his dress coat and rolling his shoulders back. “It’s showtime!”
Unlike many areas of the city, the Citadel was one of the few places that still had access to open sky…and the architects took full advantage of it. The entire tower was constructed of reflective metal.
Clockworks City’s symbol of order.
The Citadel was home to the Government Faction and headquarters for all its auxiliaries. Law enforcement, judges, political leaders, economists, tax collectors, scientists, engineers, communications, and the military…all the heads of power under one roof.
Anyone could enter the Citadel to visit the office of their choice.
But everyone had to pass through the Centurions first.
As Chuck and Lili approached the doors, he slowed his pace, hunched his shoulders, and let his long beard flop from his arm to drag behind him across the ground. Hundreds of gnomes pushed and shoved their way in and out of a bank of doors…or took their chances with a giant revolving mechanism of glass and steel.
Morphiophelius watched the transparent cage spin round and round, coughing gnomes out and sucking them in.
He cringed and yanked his beard to his chest.
“Not on your life.”
Lili opened one of the main doors. Gnomes paused…smiling and staring…mainly at Lili…then stepped aside to let the rich-looking wizard and his lovely escort pass through first.
“Move out, coming through!” bellowed Deloris.
She shoved through the crowd, darted around Lili…and clipped Chuck like a battering ram.
“Whoopah!”
With a heavy thud and a chorus of gasps, the wizard slid across the granite floor and came to a stop right at the boots of two armed Centurion guards.
“Morning, boys,” Chuck chirped, blinking innocently as he rolled to one side and freed his beard from undue strain.
Lili rushed to him, heels clopping, one hand flying to her mouth.
“Grandfather!” she gasped. “Are you alright?”
Dressed in a white cotton skirt that ended above her knees, her tan legs and forearms stood out like beacons as she kneeled beside him.
Both Centurions squatted quickly to help her.
“You alright, sir?”
“Here, I’ve got him.”
“Let go; I had him first.”
Lili looked up and batted her eyes at them both. “Oh…thank you so much.”
She forced a smile.
She also reminded herself to accidentally burn the wizard’s food the next chance she got.
Both gnomes snapped to attention. One let out a goofy laugh…followed by an awkward snort.
“Now that’s what I’m talking about!” Chuck boomed, springing up like a nimble teen. “Brave, honest, strong young gnomes!”
He whipped his cane around and jabbed both soldiers in the chest—lightly, but with enough confidence to make it feel official.
“You…do…your…profession…proud! Who do I talk to so I can make a recommendation? That’s why I contribute to the Centurions-Are-Not-As-Stupid-As-You-Think-They-Are Fund every year!”
He saluted with his cane.
“Brilliant you boys are…TOP of the class, I say. Keep it up!”
They saluted.
Another snort.
Lili had to bite her tongue to keep from laughing as they walked away. “You are a horrible old man,” she whispered.
“Gnome,” he corrected. “We are filthy rich gnomes, expected to be arrogant…and a bit off.”
She giggled. “Then you fit the role perfectly.”
“Watch it.”
Hobbling toward the front desk, they found a line forming. Off to the side, a dozen Centurions were trying to wrestle Deloris to the ground.
Lili gripped the wizard’s arm tightly. It was intentional, she knew, but the sight still made her flinch. Deloris was proving to be more than the soldiers expected. Cuffs flew. Feet stomped. A nose snapped with a wet crunch.
All the while Deloris screamed, “I told you I’m here by choice! You morons! Idiots! I want to talk to an investigator, not some fat jellyroll desk jockey!”
Chuck grinned. “I don’t think she’ll be contributing to the fund this year.”
“Next!” shouted a fat officer behind the desk.
“Right here,” the wizard said, shoving his cane between two gnomes ahead of him. With a twist, he pried them apart like a crowbar and stepped forward.
“I’m next.”
He grinned at the scowling faces. “Not these…insignificants.”
The officer yawned without even trying to hide it. “What can we do for ya, pops?”
Lili jumped back—and so did several gnomes behind her—when Chuck’s cane cracked across the counter with a sound like a gunshot, nearly missing the officer’s fingers.
Chuck leaned in, brows low, eyes sharp. “You can bring those stupid children to me so I can give them a BEATING, that’s what!”
He smacked the counter again; the crack echoing across reception and drawing hundreds of eyes.
“Run out on me? I DON’T THINK SO!”
He pointed behind him dramatically.
“My poor granddaughter had to leave runway model school just to make sure I could get to my bowling league practice on time…”
He growled.
“Do you have ANY idea how humiliating it is to be escorted by this devastatingly gorgeous girl? No one ever pays attention to me when she’s around!”
The officer blinked, eyes still locked on Lili. “W-what were you saying, pops?”
The cane cracked again.
“FOCUS!”
Lili waved her dainty fingers at the Centurion and forced another smile.
He blushed a deep red.
Chuck sighed as if he were the victim here. “Where are they?”
“Wha—” The officer cleared his throat. “Where are who, sir?”
“My grandson and bodyguard! WHO DO YOU THINK I’VE BEEN TALKING ABOUT!?”
Lili slid in beside Chuck and took his arm. “Grandfather…this wonderful officer is more than willing to help. Please be patient.”
Chuck patted her hand. “So right, my dear. Silly of me. Must have at least ten new faces come through here every day.”
The officer looked around and smirked. “I wish.”
“I was told the boys were here,” Chuck said, scratching his cheek with the dragon’s beak on his cane. “Under arrest for treason or some inconsequential rubbish like that.”
The officer typed into his computer. “Names?”
Chuck blinked twice. He reached over the counter with an open hand. “Goodness me, where are my manners? So sorry, my boy. My name’s Nat, and this is—”
“No, Grandfather,” Lili corrected quickly. “Nat’s who we’re here to get. You’re Morphiophelius Smith the Fifth.”
She looked back to the officer and whispered, “He’s a bit forgetful…and a bit hard of hearing.”
“My friends call me Chuck,” the wizard blurted, then considered. “Which you’re not.”
The officer ignored him and sighed. “What were the names of the grandson and bodyguard?”
“Nathan Taylor and Shamas…”
The officer looked up. “The cripple and bruiser charged with helping the outlanders?”
His eyes narrowed.
Lili tried batting her eyes again, but it didn’t have the same effect now. “Is there a problem?”
“DID YOU BEAT THEM PROPERLY?!” Chuck roared, whacking his cane repeatedly on the counter until everyone nearby backed away.
He snarled, then mimed wringing a neck as he gripped the cane between his hands.
“They need to be flogged within an inch of their lives! Make sure they don’t do something this stupid EVER again!”
His gaze drifted to the officer, and for a heartbeat, the wizard’s expression looked too sincere.
“Turn on this great city? Its people? Why I’d rather cut off both my arms and legs than turn traitor.”
Then his face flipped into a boisterous laugh.
“Luckily, those boys are too stupid to know what they’re doing.”
He leaned close and cut the laugh short with a conspiratorial whisper.
“Did you know Shamas still sleeps with a teddy bear and wets the bed at night? Don’t let the tough-guy leather look fool you.”
He jabbed the air like a man delivering facts.
“And Nat still can’t set the clock on my VCR! So does it SOUND like they have the brains to start a coup with a human and a troll?”
He slapped the counter.
“I don’t THINK so!”
Lili’s nails dug into Chuck’s arm.
He flinched…but kept smiling.
“Yes, well,” the officer said with a smirk, “it looks like they can leave. But both have an extraordinarily high bail set as a condition of their release.”
Chuck stared at Lili, confused. “What did he say?”
The officer leaned over. “I said there’s bail.”
Chuck frowned.
“He said you have to pay the bail!” Lili said louder.
Chuck snorted at both of them. “Mahan’s pink panties…why would I bail? I just got here!”
*****
“Sit down and shut up,” the Centurion barked, shoving Deloris through the door.
He limped back out and slammed the door behind him.
Deloris exhaled slowly. Other than the cuffs being a bit too tight, so far so good. She’d made enough noise to attract someone higher in the food chain…while also preventing a full body search. They’d wanted her out of the way.
Which meant she’d gotten Morty’s books into the building.
The interrogation room was small.
Very small.
The walls were dirty, painted a dingy gray. One overhead fluorescent light flickered on and off like a dying insect. It made her eye twitch.
In the center was a table with two chairs.
Bad news: no mirrors.
No cameras.
No audience.
She was isolated.
“Crap.”
She paced until the door creaked open and a frumpy, tired-looking old gnome waddled in. He held a file in one hand and her purse in the other.
“Mrs. Teedlebaum,” he said in a dial tone, “my name is Detective Bundlefrump.”
He didn’t even look at her as he tossed the purse onto the table.
“You’re in a bit of trouble, from what I’m reading here. I’ve been told to remind you that you have a right to an attorney before we begin.”
“I don’t need a law-licker.” Deloris’s nose flared. She bared her teeth in a dog-like snarl. “And that’s Ms. Hinder, if you don’t mind. Don’t go grouping me with that traitor.”
Detective Bundlefrump looked up.
His face was blank. No irritation. No surprise. Just…flat.
Deloris narrowed her gaze until it was slits. “I’m his ex-wife.”
“I see.”
He sat at the table, placed the file open, and motioned to the chair opposite him. “Please.” Then he laced his fingers.
Deloris sat slowly.
There was no shift in his tone. No twitch. No readable flare of emotion.
Deloris was exceptional at reading people.
She couldn’t read this one.
Suddenly she wasn’t sure that walking in here was such a clever idea after all.
“Ms. Hinder,” Bundlefrump said evenly, “where is Morty Teedlebaum?”
Deloris leaned back as if relaxing. She rested her cuffed wrists on the table.
“How the tick-tock should I know?”
“Because you have been seen with him time and again over the past two months.”
“And since you have this human-vallen issue on your hands,” Deloris shot back, “you want to point the finger at everyone else instead of admitting this city’s security sucks and you let enemies stroll right in.”
She grinned.
“Which looks awfully bad for you boys.”
Bundlefrump didn’t blink. He shuffled papers in silence, sliding them from one side of the file to the other, reading without a sound.
A tactic.
Make the prisoner talk to fill the silence. Make them assume. Make them ramble. Make them hang themselves.
Deloris stared at him, perfectly content to let the silence rot.
Finally, Bundlefrump held up a single sheet and read aloud, still monotone.
“You’ve had an interesting life. Graduated top of your class from University. Honorable entrance into the Science Academy. Excelled at everything you’ve ever touched.”
He paused.
“Well…except your marriage.”
He glanced at her.
“Married twenty years. No children.”
He smiled for the first time. It looked painful, like his face wasn’t accustomed to it. “The job was the baby, it seems. I can relate.”
The smile vanished.
“What I can’t understand is why you left the Academy. Records say you were making incredible headway…excuse the pun.”
He squinted at the page.
“It was called…Comu…cont…”
“Computational submersion,” Deloris finished.
“Right.” Bundlefrump nodded once. “A whole new way to deal with birth defects, illnesses…”
“Or reprogram people who didn’t see eye to eye with the government,” Deloris said.
“Ah.” The odd smile wormed back onto his face. “There it is. Defiance of the laws of the land.”
Now it was Deloris who smiled. “Don’t confuse my disgust for abuse of power with rebellion. I was trying to improve medical practice. My superiors wanted to convert my inventions into military or correctional weapons.”
“So you walked.”
“It’s not what I signed up for.”
“Couldn’t your research be used for both?”
Deloris leaned forward. “You’re missing a bit of information on that sheet.”
Bundlefrump didn’t react.
“When the Government Faction saw a mind could be reprogrammed into virtually anything they wanted,” Deloris continued, “my medical research grants dried up.”
She tapped the table once.
“The military stepped in and doubled the grant…if I signed a contract giving up all future rights to my developments.”
Bundlefrump shrugged and let the paper drop. “You would’ve been wealthy for the rest of your life.”
“Money doesn’t motivate me.”
“So you walked away and managed your father’s computer repair store and shipping warehouse business?”
“Until something better came along.”
Bundlefrump shifted papers again, calm as a clock.
“Until Mortimur Teedlebaum came along.”
Deloris exhaled through her nose. “Ah. We’re back to him.”
“That is why you’re here.”
“No,” Deloris growled, leaning forward hard, “I’m here because I chose to be.”
She slapped her cuffed hands down over the folder.
“I walked through those doors on my own two feet because the last thing I wanted was to be branded a traitor like that garbage excuse of an ex-husband.”
She pushed the file toward him an inch.
“So cut the crap, Bundlefrump, and let’s get to the actual truth. I don’t know where Morty is, and I don’t give a flip either.” She bared her teeth. “If I do find him, you can have him AFTER I get a few minutes alone with him and a bat.”
Bundlefrump sat back, studying her. One eyebrow rose higher than the other. “Why should I believe you?”
Deloris let her hands drop out of view for a moment. Then she leaned in, voice low, eyes locked. “Because I have something you’re going to want.”
Bundlefrump didn’t move.
Deloris shifted…then lifted two small red leather journals into view.
“Morty’s personal notes,” she said. “Latest and greatest invention.”
Thin fingers reached eagerly across the table.
Deloris slid the journals back out of reach.
“Not so fast.” Her grin returned. “I wasted years of my life working with that egotistical twerp. I know his methods. I know his habits.”
She leaned her chest against the table, grinning from ear to ear.
“And I know his shorthand code.”
She gave the journals a little shake.
“You can’t read these without my help.”
Bundlefrump’s jaw tightened.
Deloris’s voice turned sharp again. “I know you’re not the one in charge. So we’re done negotiating until I can talk to the person who is.”
Bundlefrump’s thin fingers curled into fists.
“We can easily take those journals from you, Ms. Hinder.”
Deloris laughed…full-bodied, delighted. She threw her head back as if the threat had just made her day.
“Of course you can!”
She leaned forward again, eyes cold.
“But you didn’t listen. These are useless without me.”
She tapped the journal against her cheek.
“Morty made sure the government would never live without him.”
Her smile sharpened into something predatory.
“And I not only want amnesty for any interactions with him…”
She leaned closer, voice almost purring.
“I want an opportunity to crush his dreams…for crushing mine.”
*****
Chuck sat hunched in his chair, chin resting comfortably on the backs of his hands. His beard and mustache draped down the front of his cane like a white waterfall, pooling around his feet.
Lili couldn’t sit still.
“Why is it taking so long?” she complained, pacing. The click-click-click of her heels filled the silence.
“That’s what happens when you’re more concerned with paperwork than you are with people,” Chuck said. “Someone gets to wait. Unfortunately, it’s us.”
He waved a hand lazily. “Calm yourself. You’re doing wonderfully.”
Lili exhaled slowly. “I don’t like the way I’m being looked at. All the male gnomes…staring.”
Her voice lowered.
“It reminds me of…” She stopped. Swallowed. “Nevermind.”
“What?”
She slid into a chair and crossed her legs, tugging her skirt down over her knees again as if cloth could fix how she felt.
“I was going to say Wendell, but…” She hesitated. “He doesn’t look at me that way.” She shrugged. “Not really.”
Chuck’s eyes drifted toward her without moving his head.
“I know he likes me,” Lili continued quietly. “Or…feels something. But it doesn’t feel disturbing like these gnomes make me feel.”
Her shoulders hunched. She wrapped her arms around herself.
“Since we got here…I feel dirty.”
She looked down.
“Wendell’s never made me feel like that.”
Chuck grinned, though it was swallowed by beard. “He’s a good boy.”
Then he sat up straighter.
“As soon as we get out of here, we’ll get you home and you can put on as many coats and trousers as you like. Until then…”
The door opened.
An armed centurion entered first.
Then Nat rolled in…seated in a manual wheelchair, pushed by another Centurion. His legs hung lifeless. His face was bruised, cut, and swollen. One eye was black as night, the lid nearly shut. Both hands were cuffed to the chair arms.
“Goodness!” Lili cried, standing abruptly.
Shamas shuffled in last, escorted by two guards—but more for support than security. Gauze bandages dotted his face. His forehead was wrapped. Three fingers were splinted. Both eyes were nearly swollen shut.
Chuck hobbled to Shamas first. He cupped the bruised face and turned it gently from side to side.
“When I snapped that you boys should be flogged,” Chuck said, voice sharp, “I wasn’t serious!”
He jabbed the closest Centurion in the gut with his cane.
“Did you have to be so rough? Take these chains off. Now.”
“They’ll be released upon the posting of bail.”
Chuck’s spine stiffened. “I’ll pay!”
The soldiers laughed.
“The bail is two million credits.”
Chuck gulped. “How much?”
“Two million credits. Each.”
Chuck flinched. “Each!?”
“That’s what I said, old gnome.” The Centurion chuckled. “We can charge directly for offenses now. Saves time and money in the court system. Don’t even need to come in most of the time.”
Chuck started rummaging through his coat pockets, outraged. “That’s absurd. What about justice? What about serving time? Community service? What about getting the chance to see gnomes in little black dresses hitting tiny desks with little toy gavels?”
He threw his hands up, frustrated.
“If someone commits a crime…they can’t just pay a fee?”
That’s when he sighed, a grin appearing on his face. Chuck dragged out a small cylinder—about four times the thickness of a pen—and handed it to the guard.
Both Centurions looked at one another.
One guard lifted a rectangular device from his hip and slid Chuck’s cylinder into the slot.
The screen flashed: name, picture, account balance.
Both guards coughed.
“I’ve never seen this much money before,” one gasped.
His mirrored helmet tilted up to find Chuck smiling coolly.
“I’ve never dreamed of this much money before…”
Chuck tapped the screen. “So I can pay all charges right here, right now?”
“That is correct.”
Chuck nodded, satisfied. “Then don’t forget to pay for the multiple battery charges against Centurion officers.”
The guard scrolled.
He paused.
He scrolled again.
He shook his head. “There’s no such charge on this report, Mr. Smith.”
Chuck lifted his cane.
And started swinging.
