42. Cheap Trinkets
The smiley face on my shirt squinted at Chuck warily. He waved it off. "It'll be fine."
When the Gem awakens to call a Hero, the world is ill prepared...and its fate is placed in the hands of a 17 year old boy, named Wendell.
Some will say this is nothing but a tale of fiction.
Let them think as they may.
After all...I can't fix stupid.
Previously: After Nat, Alhannah and Wendell (in a box), go to meet the richest gnome in Clockworks City in hope of a sponsorship…they ended up with a less-than-encouraging agreement.
Anyone can pull a rabbit out of a hat.
…pull a hat out of a rabbit, then we’ll talk.
“That was it?” Chuck asked.
“That’s all he had to say — then the butler showed us to the front door and when I got the crate outside, I’m gonna say slammed it shut.”
“It was an enormous door, Alhannah,” Nat called from the other room, “he didn’t slam it shut.”
She snorted and scrunched her nose with a nod. “He definitely slammed it.”
“Will it be enough money? You seem worried,” I asked.
Taking another sip of coffee, Alhannah shrugged. “I don’t know. Probably. But we’re going to have to do this old school. Cut the corners we can and make up for it in skill." She took a sip, then grinned in her cute, mischievous way. "Like the first couple of seasons, when I won. It was simpler then. We all had gigantic machines wrapped around us, but we were limited to using mundane weapons. Swords, clubs, bars, chains — even guns, but they were basic. Not like now.”
What seemed odd to me was how calm I felt about all this. Still had no clue about piloting a giant mechanical robot, and I was not looking forward to having my 'bits' shaved off to be a gnome. But I felt no fear. This all felt more doable. More possible, because technology wasn't as foreign to me as magic.
I took the last bite of my sandwich. “What do they use now?”
“Gadgets,” she scoffed. “Lasers, radio controlled do-dads and heat seeking whatchamacallits. Doesn’t take much talent when all you have to do is pull a trigger and the weapons find you. I heard they even have robotic pets now!”
“Not yet,” called Nat. “They haven’t ruled on it yet, but it is under consideration.”
“What’s the point?!” she shouted back. “This was supposed to be about combat, pilots fighting against one another. Not some freak show!”
“I don’t know,” I said, wiping my face, “I think Mr. Bellows might be right.”
“Not you too?”
“Well, it’s not like this is for honor or glory, is it? It’s a sport, with fans who can’t really appreciate the skill you have or the danger pilots go through. They’re interested in the event itself. The conflict, the action…the entertainment.” I leaned back in my chair, finally satisfied and full. It was nice to have my appetite back. “They just want a good show.”
With a heavy sigh, Alhannah stood up. “Then we better learn how to give ‘em a good show, or we’re just putting you at risk for nothing.”
Awwww, she cared about me. That made me grin. “Naw, not nothing. We’re buying time for Chuck to find the seal. That’s really the most important thing right now, anyway. Find it and make sure it stays safe.”
“Hmmm. Speaking of safe, where’s Dax and Lili?”
Chuck let out a snort and rolled his eyes. “Lili is trying to keep Dax from strangling me."
I laughed out loud. "Why would he want to do that?"
The wizard shrugged. "He keeps muttering about backfiring magic.”
The smiley face on my shirt squinted at Chuck warily.
He waved it off. "It'll be fine."
Since I agreed to join forces with the G.R.R., they gave us permanent rooms and accommodations. The rooms were clean, but sparsely furnished, centered on a common area. Each had a steel bed frame, mattress, dresser, small mirror, nightstand, lamp and a mini bathroom containing a sink, toilet and shower.
All the comforts of an upscale prison.
I'm not complaining, mind you, but I thought we'd have a little better than cold rooms in a warehouse to live.
Chuck seemed right at home. He was given an abandoned file room for an office. He and Lili started collecting books and records, sent to them from Motherboard, so they could spend their time assisting in the search for the seal.
The common room contained a few bookshelves, though Alhannah and I found most broken and empty. It also had a couch, a three-legged chair, and a wall-mounted television. Alhannah and I pulled some furnishings from a side room, allowing for all of us to gather somewhat comfortably.
We arrived just in time to stop the old wizard from knocking Dax’s head clean off with his staff.
“Woah, Chuck,” I snapped, jumping in between them. I had to grab the wizard by the arm in mid-swing, then pushed the old man toward the couch. “Calm down…” I looked at Alhannah for help and found her struggling not to laugh. “What’s going on?”
“Let me go!” Chuck bellowed, flipping around me and swinging wildly. I was forced to push him firmly until the wizard landed softly on the couch.
Lili was kneeling next to Dax, inspecting a rather large bump on his skull.
The elf flinched in pain, then waved an oversized index finger at the wizard. “That PSYCHOpath over there tried to cave my head in!”
Chuck spun around on the couch, dropping his staff. “He’s an ungrateful child who needs to be spanked! SPANKED I tell you!!”
“I’m over six hundred years old—you can’t spank me!” Dax yelled back.
Chuck jumped to his feet and started rolling up the sleeve of his robe.
Now it was me who struggled not to laugh. “That’s enough! Wow! What’s gotten into you two?”
The wizard's expression changed from night to day. His bottom lip protruded out from under his bushy mustache and he plopped back down onto the couch. Tossing the hat from his head, he pulled a handkerchief from his sleeve and wiped his eyes. “He called me a hack.”
Alhannah scooted next to him on the couch. “That’s a compliment, uncle Chuck!”
“Oh, he didn’t mean in the blippity-blip gnome computer way…OH no! He meant it as a negative, as in hack it, informal manage; cope: lots of people leave this job because they can’t hack it.” He sniffed. “He meant it to hurt me.”
The gnome gave Dax a scolding glance, then threw her arms around the wizard’s neck. She gave him a tender hug. “Bah! You’re no such thing. You’re brilliant.”
Chuck wiped his nose with the handkerchief. “Right? Clever as they come, that’s me.” He looked up at me, sporting a big puppy dog expression. “I’ve always been rather fond of myself, you know.”
The smiley face on my shirt bit its lower lip.
“What started all this?” I asked.
Chuck went silent.
He turned to Alhannah’s pity.
Dax sighed. “There are reasons I get paranoid when the old man wants to use magic, kid. It backfires. A lot. Oh, he don’t mean it to, I know that, but that doesn’t mean it hurts any less. Or causes any less damage to friend AND foe!”
“I believe,” Lili piped up, “that Dax is afraid of putting on the charms Morphiophelius has for us.”
“Dang straight I am! Who knows what ugly things we could become…or worse, get stuck as!” He slapped a hand over his chest and made a mock fainting motion.
“Stop it!” growled Chuck. “I’ll have you know I've crafted some of the finest charms in the world of magic. From the North Country to the highest societies of Äsä-Illäriu, I catered to kings, queens, and many pudgy little merchants!” He wiped his nose with a handkerchief. “I might forget an occasional thing or two, but can you blame me? I am over…” he paused, “…over…” a few moments passed and then he simply shrugged. “Let’s just say I’ve aged some.”
It was impossible to leave the warehouse without some sort of disguise. The law was perfectly clear about illegal aliens, and that was me on more than one level. If any of our plans were to work, Chuck was the best and only option I was aware of.
"What's your plan, Chuck?" I said.
He took off his pointed hat, reached in and pulled out four oddly shaped crystals on long silver chains. They sparkled and shimmered in the artificial light. He handed one to me. “This is one of my finest creations, son. Took me decades to perfect the combination. If it wasn't for old lady Kravitz wanting to suck my face, I never would have had the motivation to hide." He shivered so hard it shook the couch. "Things that make you go…eww."
"Chuck," growled Dax.
"Right. Fine. This little gem will change you into whatever race you ask it to. You will still be you, still sound like you…nothing will change except your physical appearance.”
I dangled it in front of my face. The intricate braiding of the metal chain led down to tiny hands and slender fingers that held a round, clear crystal. Lifting the jewelry up to the light, I could see small smokey cracks through the crystal…tiny twisters, trapped forever in place. “It’s…lovely, Chuck.”
The wizard smiled meekly, then turned to Dax. "Hear that, monkey? That's what gratitude sounds like."
"That's what ignorance sound like."
“That’s our ticket, right there, son. You just ignore the putrid green nay-sayer over there. Put it on, speak the words and it does the rest.”
“It’s never that easy!” Dax scoffed.
Chuck glared. “Shut it, you. I’ve put you on the not-so-nice list!”
Dax stuck his tongue out in reply.
“Very mature,” smirked Alhannah.
“Show me,” I said, looping the chain up and over my head. “I’ll go first if Dax is too scared.”
“Hey," he snapped. "No one said anything about me being…”
“Alrighty,” beamed the wizard, hopping to his feet. Looping one over his own head, he said, “All you have to do is hold the crystal up to your mouth, rest it against your bottom lip and whisper kute minuä. It means 'hear me' and gets the enchanted item to listen to the next words you speak. Then clearly say the race you desire to look like.”
I smirked. “I'm thinking 'vallen' is out of the question?”
Chuck frowned. “You only have one charge. Don't waste it.”
Right. What were you thinking, Wendell? Don't be stupid. I cleared my throat, then held the crystal to my lips.
“Kute minuä,” I whispered. Chuck nodded.
Ok Wendell, here we go. You want to become a gnome.
But I hesitated.
Everyone was watching me in anticipation.
I just volunteered to be the guinea pig, and I didn’t even think it through. Wendell, you moron. Too late now. Closing my eyes, I took a slow, deep breath.. Here goes nothing. I opened my mouth…
…and Chuck slapped a hand over it.
"DON'T say 'gnome', by the way. Sorry, son, should have mentioned this. Gnome will probably turn you into a garden decoration."
I gulped.
His eyebrows bobbed up and down. "Won't be very mobile as a 20 inch piece of plastic, now would you?" He grinned and lifted his hand from my face. "Say 'Gentre'."
I nodded and took another breath. “Gentre,” I exhaled.
The first sensation was a light tingling, almost tickling, at the end of my nose. With a finger, I reached up and scratched it. When I looked at Chuck, I had to glance up. That tingling spread over my skin, across my face and the sudden urge to scratch…intensified. Behind the tingling wave was warmth. T almost felt like drink a hot cup of tea or coffee on a chilly morning. I could feel it drop through my chest, down to my stomach, and then spread out to my limbs. It almost felt like I was being caressed with warm water dripping down my skin.
I never noticed my legs giving out from under me.
…and everything went dark.
“I gotcha!” Chuck grunted, gripping my arm and cupping the back of my head.
When I blinked my eyes open, he was staring down at me. Chuck’s bearded face looked quite bigger than I remembered.
Alhannah leaned over, grinning. “Wow. You make a cute gnome, kiddo.” She laughed and held out a hand to help me up.
Lili gasped, her hand covering her mouth.
“Well, I’ll be,” Dax mumbled. Eyes wide, he pushed away from Lili's efforts to bandage his head and made his way to the couch. His giant hands grabbed my head, moving it about roughly.
"Hey," I complained.
He let go and stepped back. "It actually…worked."
"It did?" Chuck squeaked. He quickly cleared his throat. “Of course it did. I told you it would work without a hitch.”
It felt…weird. I mean, my hands and feet looked normal to me, but…everything else had grown. Chuck now towered over me. The TV hanging on the wall was huge and mounted higher, and the couch had doubled in size. Alhannah was now the same height, and oddly…way cuter. “I'm…a gnome?"
She grinned widely.
Where’s a mirror?" I said. "I want to see.”
Chuck pulled one from his sleeve and handed it over.
Not totally sure what I was expecting to see, but the transformation wasn't anything what I thought it was. The process wasn't painful. It wasn't long. In fact, being changed into a smaller race wasn't even uncomfortable.
Slowly, I lifted the mirror to my face.
The initial glance was…startling.
My hands quickly ran over my face, pushing and pulling to see if what I saw was real. When you look at a gnome, the first thing you notice are the ears and nose. They are huge. Way bigger than humans.
…but when it's you?
"Oh my heck," I murmured.
"Good looking, huh," Alhannah winked.
My ears stuck out like radar dishes, several times their original size. Definitely bonkers. Also, my head was WAY too big for my body. How does this even work? Yet, when I rotated my head, it didn't feel awkward at all. My dark eyes looked like huge glossy bulbs on my face, like a cartoon version of a puppy. My nose? That was the worst. It was the size of a watermelon!
Alright…that was a lie.
My eyes didn’t really look like huge glossy bulbs.
Even my clothes were gnome size. Shirt, jeans, sneakers, all like normal…but for a gnome. The yellow smiley face grinned at itself in the mirror, then laughed in silence.
“What do ya think?” Chuck asked.
I grinned up at him. “Cool.”
Lili started giggling.
“What’s so funny?” I said.
She quickly withdrew her hand, bitting both her lips. “You’re so…little.” She smiled. "And Alhannah's right. You are very cute as a gnome."
I officially loved Chuck’s magic.
“Little?” Alhannah threw her arms across her chest and glared at Lili. “He’s the same size as me.”
“And you look even more intimidating now,” I confessed.
She smirked. “Aww, that’s sweet.”
Dax shoved between me and Alhannah. “Well, if it’s that easy, I’ll go next.”
Chuck held the charm high above Dax’s head. “Oh, no you don’t!”
“Why not? You said we all needed to do this and…apparently it works, so…”
“So nothing!” Chuck swung the charm in front of the elf's face, taunting him. “You…have…to…say…sorry.”
Dax backed away, his massive forearms folding across his chest. “Keep it then…cause I ain’t doin’ no such thing.”
“Oh come on, Dax,” I chided, “you hurt his feelings. And he was right, you know. Look at me.” I turned slowly in place.
Chuck jabbed his finger vigorously at me. “You hear that? Just like he said. Plus…I’m not a hack! I’m a genius at making charms, so there.”
“Well, I think this is amazing,” Lili said.
The wizard stuck his tongue out at Dax and gave her a charm. “Remember the words, dear?”
Lili nodded. “I think so.” Lifting the crystal to her lips, she whispered, “Kute…minuä?”
Chuck nodded.
Looking over at me, she smiled and said, “Gentre.”
The change was odd, watching it from the outside. Parts of Lili’s body suddenly shrank, as if her arms and legs were inflated with air, and someone let go of the end. Her head, however, stayed the same—except for her ears and nose. Both seemed to pop at the last moment, nearly doubling, but nowhere as big as my nose. Her beautiful skin color and hair remained unchanged.
Of course, Lili would be beautiful as a gnome. What was I thinking?
“Wow,” she exclaimed, spinning in place. Her braided hair stretched to the floor and over her feet. “Um,…is my hair supposed to be this long?”
Chuck tapped his chin. “That’s one thing I’ve had a challenge with. Hair just wants to do its own thing. I’d advise not to cut it, though, no matter how annoying, unless you want it too short when you change back.”
“Well, I ain't GOT any hair!” Dax snapped, lunging off the back of the couch and snatching one of the two remaining charms from Chuck’s hand. "Gimmie that!”
“Hey!” the wizard cried. “Foul play, monkey!”
He smirked and sauntered away. “Use whatcha got, old man. Use what ya got.” Pulling the chain over his head, he whispered, “Kute minuä,” then, “Gentre.”
I gawked at Dax as the transformation overcame him. He was already as tall as a gnome, and his ears were already huge. However, the points rounded out, his nose bulged and hung like a cucumber on his face, while his immense hands and feet deflated. But that’s not what got me.
No.
The four digits on Dax’s hands and toes became five…and his green skin slowly became…pink. When the transformation was complete, he looked nothing like the Evolu I knew.
“Wow,” I said.
Dax held his hand up to the light. He frowned. Then he wiggled his fingers. He held up his other hand. “I’m…pink!” He spun around at Chuck, obviously disgusted. “It made me…pink?”
The wizard put his fists on his hips. “That’s all you got out of this? Did you think that maybe only having four fingers would be a dead giveaway? No, you did not. Did you consider pointed ears might give you away? Obviously not. So you decided to focus on the color of your skin? Of COURSE you're pink, you NIT! There are no green gnomes in Clockworks…" He hesitated. "Unless you contract food poisoning from the 'Underarm Sushi' in District 11. NOT THE POINT! Your skin tone is the least of your worries, boy…you’re also naked! You're going to get arrested for walking about in your unmentionables. Did you know that?”
I laughed. “You just noticed that?”
“Shut up,” Dax scowled.
Chuck tugged on Dax's rounded ear. “Too bad the charm doesn't hide your irritable qualities.”
Alhannah laughed. “We could have said he’s envious of the other pilots.”
“Har har,” Dax said dryly. “Fine. Whatever. You’re up, old man.”
“Right!” Chuck grinned, tossing the chain over his neck. “Kute minuä,” he whispered, “Gentre.”
There was a buzzing sound in the air…a loud 'POP', a cloud of smoke…and Chuck fell over.
"What the heck?" Dax couched, rushing to Chuck's side.
“Help! Death by facial hair!” His tiny hands stuck up through the gigantic tufts of white hair over three times his height. The sheer weight and size of his six-foot beard and mustache had buried the wizard.
Alhannah assisted Dax and propped the wizard up onto the couch. Working as fast as they could, the two pulled the hair away from Chuck’s face.
"GAAAAASP!" He wheezed. "AIIIIIIR!"
“We’re gonna need to braid all this for you, Uncle Chuck,” said Alhannah.
Yanking his beard out of Alhannah’s hands, his wild and overly long eyebrows flopped forward. Probably not the effect he was going off. “You’ll do no such thing, young lady! I’m not a girl OR a sissy. This is a man’s beard. I’ll deal with it in a man’s way!”
Alhannah held up her hands in defeat and backed away.
I reached for my charm, but felt nothing. My fingers searched, then patted my chest, finally tugging on the collar of my shirt. The chain was nowhere to be found. “Hey," I said, "Where did the chain go?”
“It becomes a part of you until the charm runs out,” said Chuck.
“Ah, ok. So how long does the charm last?”
Flopping the tuft of beard off his lap, Chuck scooted to the edge of the couch. “Oh, don’t worry, son — it won’t give out until we use the counter charm.”
“Good to know,” I said.
Dax cleared his throat. “And what IS the counter charm?”
The wizard pulled off his small, but still pointy brim hat and scratched his tiny scalp. “You know, that’s a fantastic question.”
Dax slapped a hand over his bright pink, fleshy face. “You don’t know the counter-charm, do you?”
Chuck scoffed. “What kind of wizard would I be, passing around charms if I didn’t know the counter to them? Of course I know the counter charm.”
They all breathed a sigh of relief.
“…just can’t remember it, that’s all.”
Want to start at the beginning? Grab yourself a copy of book one in the Chronicles of Hero series!
