
9 States We’re Not Sure Believe in Dragons—and It Shows
From the field desk of Höbin Luckyfeller, Gnome Scribe, Slightly Offended Field Historian, and Collector of Fictional Offenses
Dear residents of:
Vermont, New Hampshire, Connecticut, Delaware, Mississippi, Nebraska, North Dakota, South Dakota, and Alaska…
Are you alive?
Do you have libraries?
Have you heard the whispers of destiny echoing through the pages of a good fantasy book—or are you all just too busy being practical and mysterious to indulge in a tale or two?
I ask with nothing but affection (and mild exasperation), because after 21 years of heroic fantasy, countless digital ink spills, gnomish wisdom, and dangerous levels of character development—your states have been quieter than a ninja at a book club.
Like real ninja’s, not ones from Japan.
Those guys have been seen.
They suck at their job.
No emails.
No subscriptions.
Not a single theory about the true origin of the Ithäri or why Wendell Dipmier might be allergic to apples.
(He’s not. That’s just a rumor I started.)
Just. Absolute. Silence.
Which leads me to one troubling question…
Do you even read fiction?
Or have your entire populations quietly sworn a blood oath against dragons, time-traveling gnomes, and morally-complicated mägo with fashion problems?
Let’s speculate, shall we?
Unfounded Theories from a Suspicious Gnome
Vermont: You’re all drinking artisan tea and pretending you only read biographies. The moment I mention a cursed sword or a talking badger, you vanish into the forest.
Delaware: Honestly, I forgot you were a state until this morning. Do you even have fantasy readers, or is that outlawed between the toll booths?
Mississippi: I imagine y’all will read anything as long as it involves deep-fried plot twists and sorcery powered by blues guitar.
Connecticut: You’re all so polite, you probably read fantasy... but never tell anyone because it might seem uncouth during brunch.
Alaska: Are you not reading because you're too busy fighting off frost trolls and dating sasquatches? That’s fair, honestly.
North & South Dakota: I assume you share one magical library between you, and it’s guarded by a bad-tempered cow. Explain yourselves.
Nebraska: You’ve got endless plains. PERFECT for dragon sightings. Yet not a single subscriber from your state. Suspicious? Yes.
New Hampshire: Statistically, you should’ve produced at least one person obsessed with dwarves by now. Where is that person?
So Here’s the Deal…
I’m not mad.
I’m just confused and emotionally brittle.
This is a fantasy world that includes:
A green-skinned monster who chain-smokes cigars
A reluctant boy hero who can’t even spell “destiny”
And me—a cranky gnome with a spyglass, a mild caffeine addiction, and the receipts from 21 years of writing this nonsense.
And yet, the entire populations of nine U.S. states have collectively ghosted me like I’m a door-to-door warlock salesman.
So here’s my official plea:
✨ If You Live in One of These 9 States...
...send a message.
Leave a comment.
Subscribe.
Heck, even send me a weird photo of your pet turtle reading a book—I’m not picky.
Better yet:
Tell me what kind of story would convince your fellow locals to embrace a little fantasy.
Do I need to write Wizards of Wilmington?
A Nebraska-based farm-boy who discovers his tractor is a time machine?
A South Dakotan sword-wielding librarian who fights off undead buffalo?
I'm not above it.
I'll do it.
I have no shame and a lot of free time when I'm procrastinating lore documentation.
What You Can Do Right Now:
✅ Share this with someone from the Forgotten Nine™
✅ Leave a comment below and roast your own state
✅ Suggest a ridiculous local-fantasy plot idea (seriously—I might write it)
✅ Subscribe, so I stop crying into my inkpot
Until next time,
Stay weird. Stay heroic. And for the love of all things gnomish...
Read. More. Fiction.
– Höbin Luckyfeller
Official Gnome Historian of Wanted Hero
Professional Lore Keeper
Amateur Cartographer of Cultural Disappointments
Gosh, Jamie, you have to post this in your old Wattpad book (honestly your title there seems as ghosted as you feel by these States, thus)… So I can send a notification to flag your adorability factor to my 3 different part fantasy WP profile audiences… wanna? 🐣 So awesomely fun! 🐉
Currently replying from Southern Kentucky, but I was, earlier today, in Georgia, and Tennessee. I'm afraid I seldom if ever drive into any of those other states, so can't bring them into the community, at present.
Just sending my regrets, and also my hopes that these wayward states will soon come to their senses, and subscribe to the best fiction in the country.